Hello, ladies and gents. I've turned 18.
This event has allowed me to learn two things:
1. I have fantastic friends.
2. Even after all of last week, it's still possible to be left feeling empty.
I have fantastic friends because I just do- they all got together and got me two wonderful gifts. One was a ukulele (I showed interest in playing recently so they got me a nice one for incentive) and the other was a classy little pocketwatch (engraved with my name and the date, too).
On top of that, 9 out of 10 folks were able to make it to the 50's themed party I held, complete with record player, classy dinner table decorations, and the same suave suit I wear to every event.
So that was that- I turned 18, had a few ciders, enjoyed life exactly as I've always done, and now I'm sitting here, feeling empty again.
It's not anyone's fault except my own, really. There's just that trove of anxious thoughts clawing themselves through my mind again, just stupid doubts about stupid things. As I think I've said in the past, what's bothering me is all just people and things and people and things and people and things...
So the plan is to smile a bit, pretend I don't have anything due first day back of term, and just keep going without thinking too much about anything. That sounds easy as hell, HB. No. No no no no no. Not easy. 'Cos every damn second I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts and there's no way out.
Not a cry for help. Just an update. I don't have any story written as of now, so I guess that's all there'll be for now; just updates on how things are. You're all doing brilliantly, I hope, because it'd suck if you weren't.
Oh, responses to comments~
Kallistasista: Thanks a heap :D Unfortunately, I think I'm going to give up on my days of writing with like ten characters in a fanfic. So much work to include every character, y'know? So maybe just Raff for now.
Raven: Cheers, haha! It was so much fun to write that scene o.o
Octaboona: Thankyou! As always, I love your comments 'cos you're kind about my stories even when they're all over the place >.<
Sky: fkdsjhdlk thankyou for liking the quotes xD so bloody fun to write those bits, especially the "Surely you remember me saying this was a trap." and the Getchohandsoffmybow bit. Glad you appreciated them :D
Thal: Heyo! Thanks for the nice words XD And it's true, haven't spoken in ages. Although, partly my fault too cos I'm a lazy sonofagun and these holidays are leaving me prone to sleep-ins :P
Alright, folks, I'll leave you with a picture of me on my eighteenth. Thankyou for your time, patience, kind words, and company.
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Ciao for now, folks~
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY HELLBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletesorry i'm late...
(And it's Death by the way :P))
You know, I felt strangely empty after my 18th as well. I expected to feel different and... life and people and stuff. I still get depressed..., but the good news is, life can be really nice, annoying people go away, stuff is stuff is stuff can be fixed, finished, or repeated. Yeah, it isn't always that easy, I know. But life is fun anyway.
ReplyDeleteI know I use/love quotes WAY too much, but let me give you one anyway.
"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.”
A UKULELE? EPICA! Ukuleles are awesome, although they DO always make me think... ~is NOT picturing you reclining in the Amity truck wearing bright colors~ xD
Don't kill me.
And that sounds like such a brilliant dinner! I have never gone to an event like that. Promise me you'll invite me to one.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” Isn't Albert Einstein awesome?
Oh, and by the way, love the picture!
HEY BUDDY HAPPY 18TH!!!!!!! I'm sorry I missed your b-day but it sounds like it was FANTASTIC!!!! The dinner sounded gr8, the 50s have such a lovely aesthetic.
ReplyDeleteAnd...about the emptiness. I know how you're feeling, I think. And listen, you are hella f-cking brave. It is so hard to fight yourself, to have to fight what you're thinking and your brain and it's so hard??? It's so hard because you can't walk away, you can't x-out of the tab, you're just....there. But man I can tell you that you are SUPER STRONG. You always have been. I know you said this wasn't a cry for help and I hope this doesn't come across wrong but. But I know the void and the emptiness and darkness and it will pass. You will come out the other side. Keep on rocking :-)
And we can be ukulele friends now!!!......I suck at the ukulele though hehe. What kind do you have? (As in like, soprano, concert, tenor, or bass) Mine's a tenor.
Hope you're having a great holiday!!