Monday, June 18, 2012

Those moments when you say "You know what's funny?" but you don't mean that it's funny.

 Yeah, well. It's one of those moments.

'Cos...You know what's funny?

When you say "The world doesn't revolve around you, Hellboy."

Funny. 'Cos for once, you're right. It doesn't revolve around me. But I'll be damned if it revolves around you.

I care for a helluva lot of people here. Off the top of my head, there's Kal, Skyril, Lizzy, March, Thal, Lyd, Octa, Flame, Mary, Jaffa, Niall, Ven, Gep, Legs, Lenka... the list goes on. I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate these people, how much I love the way they think and write and love me back...

You...hah. I can't remember the last time you devoted time to loving these people, caring for them... listening to their problems, their worries, and assuring them it's going to be alright.

Countless times. Literally, I cannot even remember how many times I've sat down and comforted others, how many times I have *points at Dragona, for instance* convinced someone not to kill themself... No, I'm not the only fucking one. But I do it a damned sight more than you do. 'Cos they're my friends, and they deserve to be treated better.

All the while, you pull some publicity stunt by limiting yourself to PC, just to get people on 'your side'. The Eagle. The Cat. The Fox. Bitch, please. More like The Snake.

It's all some sort of game to you two. Blogland Secret Service, my Aussie arse. Just a group of overgrown gossips. 

Yeah, go ahead. Call me immature, I know you're thinking it. I know you two have some idea of me being a crazy-eyed Australian who lives in the middle of a desert at the end of the world. And so what? Who the hell even cares?

It's just the opinion of two people that are thousands of kilometres away. Seven billion people on this earth. To be honest, I think you should start thinking like me. Seven billion people, and you choose to get annoyed at us. Honestly. Hang out with some other group. It's not like you even talk about SP anymore, so that widens your selection, right? There are an incredible amount of online communities. Take your pick.

The only time that I *do* start to get annoyed is when you lash out at my friends, abusing your powers as head of the chat to get to them. You hinting that I'm some sort of selfish bastard only adds to the lot.

One last thing that I've always found 'funny'. I mean, here's the thing. If we could leave, we would. No, not just me. I mean a lot of people.

Even then, you won't let us. We've tried so many times to just pack up and go. Create other chats? One of you comes on, and begs everyone back. If you can't beg, you proceed to blackmail.
Move to the blogs? Obviously, we're not able. Oh, we're so sorry, you two. We should have never used the freedom we have to go anywhere on the freakin' internet. If only we had known that you'd have a hissy fit, then we would have stopped straight away -___-

For everyone who either has no clue who the above is directed towards, or wants an update on other things:

Hiya *hugs* I'm doing alright :) It's exam week, and I had three of them today. Which is actually ok, because it means that I was only worrying about that day. I only have one more exam on Thursday, so after that, it'll be Work Experience week, and then holidays.

@Mar Close to finishing my super-hero bio-story. Maybe three quarters through it. 
Also, I still have that Amy Hawkeye fanfic to work on :/ I guess the SP comp and exams just got in the way. Meh. It's good to know that I'll always have something to work on.

@Thal FDSOLSIHGLILSLKL HE'S COMING TO ADELAIDE :D Wooooot! It's, like, moooonths from now but I don't care! Adelaide! Him! Awesome as!

@Kal *hugs* Hope you're doing awesomely, and if you're not, I hope that things clear up soon enough. 

@Octa I thought exams were over for you :/ And yet I barely see enough of you these days. Where'd you run off to?

You lot can email me whenever. I check it several times a day, even five minutes after I last checked it (Which, yes, is stupid. Don't think I can't tell :P)


  1. I want to marry this post. Yeah, don't judge.

    And, You care for me? Oh, there's at least you, then.

    Anyway. I know what you mean and I think you should make more posts like these. I would too, but my mother knows about my blog.... ANYWAY.
    And, while i was just writing this, I've BEEN banned. Yep, guess why? My dot! xD
    Hell yeah. Hate chat so much. We need to move chats. Have someone else in power. Kallista preferably. Ah well.

    Anyway, see ya whenever.

    1. ~hugs Phoenix~

      Me too 8]

      I should make more posts like this as well...
      I think, sometimes, that I can really say what I feel if I have a chance to write it all down. Sometimes it just sounds silly, sometimes rude, but I think I'm just gonna have to say what I think sometimes and that be that.
      I'll deal with the consequences if there actually ARE any.

  2. Hellboy!!! Congratulations on speaking out!! Good for you and, honestly, I completely agree!!!

  3. *stands up and applauds for a LONG LONG TIME*


    Bravo, Hellboy. Bravo.

    So many people (including myself) have to deal with a ton of bullshit in real life, and when we come on the chats, we do not need more bullshit. Thank you for saying something.

    Anywho, I hope you get to go to Derek's signing and that your exams go well! I started work today at a summer camp. Most of my kids are pretty great, thank God. Only downside is that I don't get paid :P

    I'm gonna go get food. Once again, great post. Talk to you soon :D

  4. @Flame I'll set up the dates straight away. Skyril can be the pastor. When are you thinking? A June wedding? Wait, it's already June :O We have so much to organise!

    @Lynxia *bows* Thankyou for the comment. I'm glad you agree :)

    @Thal *bows again* Cheers! I know what you mean and I completely agree. It was all meant to be a place for others to relax, not fight.
    Apart from not getting paid, summer camp sounds cool. Is it like having a munchkin army of your own? :O Do you get them to form ranks and attack picnickers? :D

    *hugs* Thanks all.

    1. ~laughs~
      So much to do... So much to plan... !

    2. OH NO! I forgot!

      Jesus... I'm so sorry post!

  5. Replies
    1. :O

      ...Anywhere near Tea Tree Gully? Banksia Park?

    2. Nope. Never heard of that place. xD

      I'm somewhere near....uh.... West Lakes.



    And about the post:

    Was I the only one who burt into hysterical laughter when Hellboy said "Bitch, please."? Because I... that's just... Him saying that... HAH! Hehehehehe~ Weird picture~

    1. I checked my email! Awesoooome :D

      And at least *someone* understood the bitch, please moment. Believe me, it was incredibly fun to write that XD

    2. And it was hysterical to read. >:D

  7. ~high-fives Hellboy~
    I've just gotta say...
    And pretty much?
    My sentiments precisely.

  8. Also, you're going to see Derek Landy??
    Is that what you said?

  9. Hellboy - we don't actually get to do much! It's so hot we can barely go outside. And the camp is on my school campus, which is kinda weird :P A few of my campers really suck, which just...makes the whole thing harder.

    I feel so dead afterwards xD

  10. Thanks, Skyril *hugs*

    Also, yep, I'm going to see him when he comes to Adelaide :D It's going to be awesome! I'll take pictures and video him and arrive as early as possible... :"D

    Thal, whhhuuut... Just give them some food and tell them that if they continue to screw around, a crazy Australian man with a big-arse hat will come and slap their faces. But, like...politely...

  11. I am so excited that you will finally be able to see Derek HEllboy! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! XDDDD
    It's thrilling news! *hugs*

  12. OK Testing testing...*is testing out new name and pic* YAY
    Now Hellboy.....GIMME A HUGGIE! XD


  14. @Hellboy
    "But... politely..."
    And I can't wait to see the piiiiiics!


    Ooo, shiny... can I hug you?

  15. ~points at Mar the Unicorn~
    ~runs away from strange men in white coats carrying a straight jacket~

  16. Mal: If anyone gets nosy, just, you know...Shoot 'em."
    Zoe: Shoot 'em, sir?
    Mal: Politely.

    @Kal I know :) I can't wait for his tour to start.

    @Mar Ok...I dare not argue with a unicorn...

    @Skyril Bleeergh i'm a lazy sonofagun..they're sitting right here...gah i'll do it tomorrow.

  17. Helboy, you sound awesome
    I've heard so much about you. Along with Kal, you seem to be someone to really respect. As for BBS... As soon as I saw the thing about Flame, I stood up for him. Chat? I hate it, things would be better if everyone just stayed on Derek's blog, but whatever, my opinion is my opinion
    I'm an Australian and Iby the way, the desert stereotype is very annoying
    I'm not quite sure why, but I'm giving you my email, because chances are if there are any replies here I'll forget to check on them

  18. I just can't take it anymore. I left somethigns on Red's blog. Ws just taken off of BSS for speakingmy mind. I am not safe withthem or anyoen who sympathised withthem or anyone who agress with them. Meanign Draquila.
    Iwas alone the other day with only one other person. I was very fragile. Then this person would not speak to me. I saw they were on AF. I felt abanndoend. I asked them in PC if they were on AF and they were irrtated with me and said they could bethere if they want. Well, I never meant to apply any different. I just knew I was alone.
    This person also said no one was fighting for me but fighting for themselves. I never meant to imply that either and am sorry.
    I will and have faught for others. I haveeven fought for Draquila. I have nto really fought effectively though. I even made mistake I regret.
    I knwo kno one fights for me here and don't want that. The fightign (of any srt) needs to stop. The univolved are gettign hurt. But I am a danger here ANywhere. To myself and to others.
    I wont say anymore cause what will coemout is just pure raw emotion that is tearign me apeart. And is no onesl fault here. Soem may have triggered it and have hindered me.....I'm just gonna be quiet now.
    Ive had some freidns walk away fromme. I am a burden and I amwhat Inever wished to be. No more fights. No more me. I'm tired of it all and wishI could walk away from myself.

  19. This is word for word what Dragona said to me today in PC. HE followed me to another chat.
    DRAGONA: Because I'm going to make sure the migrains I get is yourfault. You say you don't want to hurt anyone but that is what is goign to happen.I don't see why I should have to take you off my list because you are being stubbron.

  20. *facepams* I had jsut said things and he ignored them all. I am being stobrron? :O Really? Does this not seem mind bendingly ABUSIFE? Imagine having to endure this logic fror near 2 years

  21. I just want to scream at everyone: at myself. I want to destroy.
    Iwant to tear down.
    I have listened to people in the past and tried to beencouraging. I never tried to be harsh with them. I have failed a couplle too and hate that i have done that.
    But then during the worst of things, I was elsewhere then any xat and talkign with someone. Butthey went elsewhwere, I saw they were on AF. I wanted to eb there too but knew I would nto be safe. But the other erson didn't want to talk with me. I asked if they were on Af and they replied irrittated that they could go where they wanted. I neve meant to imply otherwise. :'(
    I was also told in another convo that no one was fighting for me. Taht they were fighting for themselves. I amglad no own was fighting for me cause it woud nto be worthit. But again, i am upset I implyed that I ampussled asto how btu it is disgraceful of me.
    I had been told bhy antoehr person they wanted nothign more to do withthis. That they cant fix this. I agree it can't be fixed. I never meant to imply that either I seem to be implying and doing a lot of negative thigns lately. MAybe the whole time I have been around. All I know is tha I had this idea I could go to somepeople and be reasusred that my thoughts held value and that sometimes I was right about thigns instead of alwasy being wrong. I thought that maybe somediffernt perspecctive where needed and maybe mine would be heard and understood. I came to people for hugs and to be comforted ans reassured. I am so scared. I am scared all teh time here and I am scared everywhere I go on teh internet. I am so scared. It is to much for anyone. I am really alone and never should have let me get so close to anyone no matter who wonderfl they were. SUch things are nto meant for me. I am jsut so scared. I have nothing left.

  22. *hugs Kallista*

    Kallista, we will ALWAYS be here for you. Here, on Hellboys blog. AND I'm sure Octa feels the same, AS WELL as us from Ohio.

    Truth be told, I'm not fighting for me. I'm fighting for all of you. Me? My well-being? PPHHH, screw that. I care about YOU guys and YOUR wellbeing. And I'm sure if we as a lot of people, they'll stop fighting as well. You are NOT alone. You may have been before, but you NEVER will again. You have friends now, they'll do anything for you.

    And those people who won't? They're not your real friends.

    We're only one state away. Hellboy's practically across the earth, but hey, I heard flights are discounted when you buy them multiple months or years before! Same with everywhere! :D And those people that think they can't fix this? Well, obviously they're never heard of the titanic. Or the 9/11. Or WWII. Because, let's face it. We're human. We screw up. And the fact that we're teenagers just adds to that fact.

    But some things are just worth it. Those few moments where you really feel happy, and higher then the world (And no, I'm not talking about being high). And you've just got to pull through the bad times to get to those times again and again. When you're so, so old, and dying in some discreet hospital bed, would you like to remember all those bad times? Or would you want to remember the good times that you had? We just need to keep pushing full steam ahead.

    And before you know it, those bad times will be so far behind it'll seem like a joke. A really funny, obnoxious and slightly scary joke, but still, a joke, all the same.

  23. I just want to die. I have loved heavily. I put everythign into the people here. I am just siting here so sad. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I don't want to do anything. I loved doing things to make people happy. But to some what I have done and what I feel, my heart was worse then scorned and mocked. And peopel watched or turned awya. WHo knows what Dragon atold him. But what they knwo of me, will they believ him? They appear too. So I have lost mroe then Dragona. I have discovered today that more people could give a rats ass about me. That is fine But could they not have shownme sooner before I trusted them and believed them? WHy did they have to string me along? I love all of you. But I despise myself more then ever.

  24. OK. I had a talk with Red, Skyril, Thalia, Lyd an some other people. My convo with Red was pretty intense. Som eone give that girl a medal! Yo all deserve medals for puttignup with me for so long. :P *hugs eveyrone*
    Still feel shitty. And I will for a while. I have lost someoen who I trusted and thought was a decent person.I love you all and hope to press on. I will grovel before poor sweet long sufferign Octa hoping he will still take me back. HE needs the biggest meda of all. :)

  25. Kal- See? You aren't alone! We're happy when you're happy.

    (We're also happy when there's lots of good books to read, and a nice fire with a nice comfy chair, out stomachs filled with lots of french toast. But that may just be me. Besides, that's not the point...)

    *shifty look*

    *points dramatically*


  26. Kallista if you read this can you email me or contact me? Please.


      ~also tackles~
      COME TO BLOGLAND!!!!!!

    3. Ahaha, yo9u can reply now!? so helpful; ill try to be on more guys, its just been hard with school :S

    4. Isn't it, though? So useful 8]

      AND YAY!
      ~shakes fist at school~

  27. Octa be still at work experience and school at stuff. But that's not an excuse. I should be on more. I'll try.

  28. I'm goign to fix every thing I wrecked. Or at leat try. I messed up bad and chased away a few friends. Lost a few more. I wil do my best to make it right. :)
    I am sorry to all those who I hurt

  29. Guys, we're going to be okay. We'll get through it. We're all here for each other.

    I wish I could say more, people have already said all I want to.

    Love you guys <3

  30. I think it should be said: We all deserve a melon bread party. With apples. And a hobo. And pie. ON A CLOUD!

    Yes, we need this party.

  31. Replies
    1. I've been reading the above comments and Kal, I should have checked earlier, I'm sorry *hugs tight* I should have been on. I'm sorry.
      I've sent you and a few others an email though, if you're checking this first and want more explanation or something.

      I don't know if things thoroughly worked out yet. I really hope you're feeling better, Kal *hugs* If you could respond to my email asap, it would be good. That way, I can get the things off of my chest and into the open, so others can see at least a portion of what has befallen you in the last couple of days.

      *hugs* I saw this comment by you, though, and smiled. I remember when you used to do this all the time, and it would be like a friendly troll XD I would get so hyped up for what was coming after all of the

      and then you'd end the comment with 'REG' and I'd laugh, because it always cheered me up. Simple things like shouting 'I LOVE JOSEPH OCTABOONA' and (remember this?) when you changed your name to Larry the Beautiful Zombie and we chased zombies all across my blog.
      You still do things like that, tiny things that make me smile everytime. You're a fantastic friend, and you always will be.

      I have to go, now. Last day of work experience in the morning.

      Hiya Octa, Alex, Thal, Mar, Skyril, NJ.

  32. And Chocolate Dopped Strawberries with sparkly purple sprinkles!!

    Also everyone here that has been so encouraging I wish I could add more, but I can't. Want to know why?

  33. I left the apoligy and even that I screwed up. I turned fro one last look to see I was called selfih and that i was taking the blame all onmyself. No one stopped that statement nor corrected it. *sighs* I never would have guessed. I thought that at least would have been accepted.
    Now that I am out of the way, people can be happy again. I won't say anything more. What ever I say will beused against me. Prolly even this.
    And I won't be emailing anyone. I'm done with that. BE done with me and get it through your heads that you are better off with out me. Do it asn see that a huge weight will be taken off you.


    2. I agree with Mar!!
      Don't go Kal!!
      I will short story your behind into staying!!

    3. This isn't the Kal that i remember...
      The person i remembered would recognise that all of these people here want her to stay. She is not a burden to them but a blessing, even if she herself fails to see that.
      You have no idea of your worth to not only myself, but everyone here..

    4. Kal, we'll fall to pieces if you leave.

      Don't go. Please.

    5. I aready fell to peices. But I could not make myself do anything. I realised I was grieveing. In a way, I am not myself anymore. A part of me, a big part of me did die. So I will start afresh now with what ever is left.
      Alex, it's so comforting to see you again. *hugs tightly*
      I really do love you guys ad thinkign of you all has halped me through this. I put aside my fears adn will deal with it a little at a time.
      Thank you guys. *hugs tight*

    6. And We who truly care will be there to help pick you up when you need an extra hand.
      We will stand by you when you need assistance. You can trust us to stand by you and be there for you!
      *hugs tightly back*

  34. ..... :'(

    Tearfulness. These comments are making me cry.