Monday, August 18, 2014

When I turned 18-

-I realized life would get a little harder.

I didn't know how much harder until last Saturday.

My mother left the house that morning, after packing things into her car. She's currently at my grandma's old house, and that's where she's staying. My father is looking after us at my house, but that's it. My parents have separated. I had no warning, and I've been given little explanation.

I don't know how to act, but so far it's mostly been anger and sadness. I haven't told many people, but I figured that no-one I know locally reads this blog, so I can put it up here.

I wish this was just another story, something where Israel laughs it off with his swagger and some beer. But instead, I just sit here with my beer and wonder how many it'd take before I don't have to think about it anymore.

I wish it was a nightmare, where I at least could wake up at the end and know everything was alright. Instead, I'm aware that this will get much worse before it starts to get better.
But this isn't fake. Why would it be, hey? What could I have possibly done to deserve such a happy ending?

Nothing. I've done no charitable acts, no amazing feats that deserve a pat on the back and a wholesome family. I've only been struggling with all of my subjects, dealing with social dramas left and right with people at school, and wondering when the hell I can breath without going under again. And that was before all this happened, too.

You know, over the last year, I've only written 4 posts? I wish that was an exaggeration, but it's not. It's not even close to one hundred yet.

I've stopped writing this post for now. I'll be contactable through email.

4 comments:

  1. That must be so hard. I am having trouble responding to this post, but I feel like sighing and Xing out would be a lot worse than some sloppy writing to you telling you that we're here. As we've always been. We're suffering with you and we feel your trauma. Life gets better, that's all I really know. I'm 17 now, and I expect myself to know more each year and become better, but as I think about it, I look at all the things I could've done with myself, places I could've spoken out and come out of my shell, which is still something I'm struggling with, I feel dumber and dumber and everything feels like a foggy dream. I'm just adding to the depressing mood of this post, I don't know why I would comment such a thing. This is the first time I've come to terms with that in writing. I got a little carried away. All I can say is I will try to be better next time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know what to say other then I am sorry Joe. *hugs forever* You don't deserve this and I am sorry it's happening. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. Just keep breathing and taking one day at a time.
    Being 18 is hard enough. I want to say it will get better. That's the easy way out. The truth is I don't know what life will bring but I am always hoping for a better tomorrow and making the most I can out of today. I've been through crap. Nothing hurtful such as your going through but I don't want you to feel alone. I am here for you. Others are here for you too. We want you to hang in there during this trial. I really hope your parents make up and get back together. I hope that they will be there for you during your life experiences and help you. I hope that you will be able to find someone to talk to, a professional who can help you cope. I am nothing when it comes to times like these. I hurt for you though. I am helpless to help and I hate that. I can't even give you a real hug.
    Please don't really turn to beer for help. It will hurt you even worse. Keep on writing things down, how you feel and what's been happening. You don't have to share it with anyone. Its' up to you. Just keep writing and venting there. I will be here as much as I can. I love you brother.
    *hugs tight*

    ReplyDelete
  3. *hugs* I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know what else to say, but just know that we're here for you. *hugs again*

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish I could have said what Kallista said... Keep on doing what you love. Do well in school, I guess is important.
    As parents they should be there for you, as far as I know. There's nothing you could've done about what happened. Don't sink down to dark speculations, not that I think you would, because you're such a friendly and good-natured guy.
    Please continue being you, writing awesome stories, and being all around a nice dude. That deserves a pat on the back. Everything you're going through... it's understandable. Normal. You're actually busy. Not like me, who wastes most of his time doing literally NOTHING. On Facebook... Staring into space... I have done nothing I can say I am extremely proud of this past year... Except for maybe being a councilor at a sleepaway camp, which was absolute hell.

    ReplyDelete